I do believe there's a difference between love and inlove, I felt "inlove" and it ended badly and I've felt many things for guys after that but not like that one time, I do believe that its because of that "inlove"  feeling that I felt, which is why I've had so many bf's. I was searching for that feeling I felt that one time and even though I'm over that guy that made me feel "inlove" a feeling remained; of wanting to be fed with happiness and love.

 I will one day go back to him and tell him that before you I never believed in love, commitment, marriage and he concept of inlove and to ask what happened between us ..cause I'm still confused

"If you ever leave me baby,

leave some morphine at my door

cause it'll take a whole lot of medication to realise what we use to have and don't have it anymore

there's no religion that can save me

no matter how long my knees are on the floor

so keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm makin'

to keep you by my side to keep you from walking out that door"

[Just more words on the state you left me in]

And once aagin you've turned around for the millionth time, to QUESTION me !! as to why I've found someone else, but you have not yet, NOT ONCE, turned around and said I'M SORRY ! For lying,

for never calling when your ex swore at me made me think you cheating on me,

 never once called to say you're OKAY when you didn't show up to work so many times,

for never takin' me to the movies like you said,

for makin' me cry,

for makin' me feel like someone stabbed my heart,

for never giving me the love I gave you,

for the sacrifices I made,

for not allowing me to help you,

for not opening up when all I wanted was for you to be fully

part of my life,

for never letting me see that day when I can say "You're the one"

"Look how far we came together"

For never just telling me how you really FEEL..

[We spoke about marriage, children, how everything will be in our future]

When we go through break ups its the moments you had with that person that remains, and the moments I had with him is unexplainable.

I wana smile non-stop to things that make me happy, I wana laugh when something is really funny, I wana know that there's a future where I'm wakin' up in the morning in a bunglow, with the sound of chimes and dream catches, to the smell of good weed and when I open that curtain I wana see an island, where lots of people are outside feelin' the great positivity, the clear blue water and the soft sand, ask me what I want out of life, that's what I'll tell you.

  So they say if you going through sh*t, fake it till you make it,

or its all about time, or you will get over it, life goes on, just focus on somethin' else.

I hear you, but if I was in your shoes I'd say go get that motherf*cker, go show him how you

feel, how do I feel?

I imagine myself standing infront of him and asking why did you do this to me? And take a knife and stab myself in the heart and I want him to watch how my blood drips from my mouth as I put that knife in my guts.

Maybe that makes me sick but thats how I feel.

A$AP

When I think about it now, I always remember you having this sad

look in your eyes all the time, I don't know if it was sad or what it was but it was like something not good. I cannot pretend that you never meant anythin' to me cause I'll just be hurting myself more.

I don't have enough words to even describe how much you meant to me, every moment that I ever had with you I remember.

"The moment in the sun", "The moment when we ran into each other and you kissed as if we've never done it before"

"The moment when I was down on my last and asked you to be honest with me because I had nothing left", "The moment when you held my hand", "The moment when you wanted to hold my hand", The moments when we spoke and layed in bed", "The new years night", "The moments when we argued about sh*t", "The moment you begged me to take you back","The moment when we were standing infront of that house and i hugged you cause I was getting cold then i let go, but you said no please hold me" theres more so much more, I remember everything, which is a downfall, because I must now I have get over the guy I had the best memories with.

I don't know if I was suppose to give you more of me or if I gave enough but all I wanted was for you to just feel differently, to make you happy. I just wanted to take your problems away.

I always think about New Years, Cause that was the exact night that I knew I wana be with you for sure.

What made me like you so much was because I felt you needed help, you were like this person I could fix, take your problems away, but I failed and I won't forgive myself for that.

I really hope the best for you, I know people always say that, but I mean it.

I just wana see you in a better place with more purpose

Peace and Love

Just wana say to whoever is reading this

I believe in love, I believe that it exist and maybe that will be my downfall in life, but I'm a step closer to happiness if not happiness, SOMETHING ! I don't know ...just something ..

I think it all comes down to being naive, we wanna hold on to that feeling that makes us feel so good, so the question is what do you do when your mother failed you, and perhaps the weirdest thing your dad is around to sort of pick up the pieces, then you tell yourself you'll never love or get married, and then that guy comes along and it becomes this sad sad story about a girl who fell in love but never got her love, so she goes off and looks for every guy possible to make her feel the way she did that one time, goes through about 10 or more guys (laughing) WOW  she's out done her self, but every guy hurts her some how so over and over she does looking for the next one and the next, when does it stop? what does she do?



STOP

For a second FOCUS you're better and stronger then this, she wants to be the definition and only original that has everything in one, she's wants to be happy.

Aura Cleansing

Every environment we in or go into theres a vibe theres good energies around and bad energies, and we feel these energies as soon as we come across environments. but the main and also scary sometimes are the energies that people hold, and these energies can rub off on us, if its a positive energy then its good to be around. but bad energies is something that can stay with us but there are ways to get rid of them it can be a ugly thing.
Peoples unhappiness can become yours, but its how you take it in, so heres a few things to do this can also b used if you just want to cleanse yourself for no specific reason, if you feeling down and tired

Aura : The distinctive atmosphere or quality that seems to surround and be generated by a person, thing, or place.

A light around the human body, your vibe, your emotion, your well being


- Run a hot bath of water and sea salt or table salt or on a shower sponge this washes away unwanted energy with ease
- You can also keep a dish of salt on your desk, near your bed and in the bathroom will help absorb negative energies and keep you, your workplace and home spiritually clean


- Essential oils and other plants: The fragrance and frequency of oils and plants such as eucalyptus, pine, lavender, and citrus purify room energies and, if properly prepared for cosmetic use, can be used on your body to help lift your mood and align your aura, thereby cleaning unwanted energies

- Connection to the earth:This is so important in a time when few people get into nature or even have their bare feet touch the ground anymore. Get outside to spend time with nature. When you can, remove your shoes and let the soles of your feet caress the earth: feel love of your earth Mother coming back into you.

Ever been through something over and over and every things fine for a couple of months and then out of no where something turns funny .. and it comes down on you like a really bad turmoil its like you feel somethings deliberately tryna get you

I have this idea of how I wana live ..exactly how I wana feel where I want to be .. how to get that ? I do know but its hard.

GAZA!!TUNES!!